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Category Archives: The Avenue

My real-life stories I can never forget, needed to share and that contribute big impact to my life.

Have You Ever?

The weird side

As you look up the sky at night with all the blazing stars at sight, have you ever thought that we’re actually looking down towards the massive creation known as the great cosmo; and, that it’s just the gravity that’s keeping us grounded?

The stars. Hundreds if not thousands of them, all shining right through your eyes. Yet, at one point, have you ever thought how marvelous it is to see different points of the past at one glare at the present?

Have you ever thought that the whole cosmic creation inter-loops one another? Aside from the universe that we all have known, have you ever heard of multiverse? What about multi-dimensions? Realms?

The cosmo is a one massive interconnected points of events, all occuring in four-dimentional space, where there is no point of start, no point of stop, no point of destination, no point of origin; yet, holds records of creation, evolution and destruction. It is where the past, the present and the future all exist at the same time. It is where the cosmic creation still exists as the cosmic destruction has already started. It is like watching a game that has not yet been played. It’s like listening to a good piece of music that has not yet been composed. It’s like reading a good book that has not yet been written. It’s like seeing your death when you have not yet been born.

Have you ever asked why in the past, there were numerous reports all around the world about alien abduction, and similar sightings of highly advanced unidentified flying objects hovering over the sky whether be at night or broad daylight? And, now that our technology has already evolved, and that we are now on the quest for alien search, have you ever asked why we no longer get to find one?

How were they able to find us when we could hardly find them? Where did everybody go?

Have you ever thought that probably, the way we do the search for extraterrestrial existence isn’t the proper way at all?

Say, if the highly technological Greys from 500,000 light years away are observing planet Earth right now, they’re obviously watching our Neanderthal ancestors making ways for living.

What about their cousin, Insectoids from 65,000,000 light years away? They’re definitely watching the dinosaurs.

What about their numerous encounters with the modern Earthlings? How did they get so close to the modern era? Are the habitats where they thrive just happen to be very close to ours and yet, we don’t know where? Or, probably, they’re the new species of a multiverse future who have successfully created space and time warps through quantum entanglement.

What if they’re actually living in the present and we are the ones from the past? How would we know? Despite the multiverse reality, the only reality that is known to Earthlings is the current reality that we live in. We are all trapped in one body, living one life in one moment. We are bound to the physical laws of the planet that we live in. Yet, it doesn’t mean that the said notion isn’t really possible and isn’t happening.

Afterall, the lights from the stars that shine at night are mostly from stars that have died 5,000,000 years ago while a few are from 3,000,000 to 1,000,000 years ago. It just took millions of light years for their lights to reach planet Earth; and, despite how clustered they appear to our perspective, they’re actually shining from massive great distances between one another, all coming from different past times yet, they reach our present all at the same time.

But, let’s drop it. The worst case scenario: Our future selves have finally found them, abducted them, and endangered them (the human way!) And, now they have gone extinct. Interesting!

What if, they really are futuristic beings whose only agenda was to look back in time to see how they thrived and destroyed planet Earth when they were still humans? How far then would humanity go?

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Posted by on October 30, 2017 in The Avenue

 

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When the Bow Breaks

This eerie feeling is so undeniable. I can now feel the bumper hitting my side. I’m getting this creepy chill as I am fully aware of the reality that I’m currently in motion, feeling my body flying momentarily in the air, seeing the lights drawing distance. I am so caught in the momentum as I am now anticipating my hurtful crash.

Then finally, the gravity pulls me down hard, hitting the ground with all my weight, throwing all my multiple gypsy neck accessories off my body, scattering all tiny beads and apparels off in every direction, and feeling some bones cracking from the inside and tissues ripping from the outside. I am so aware of how rough the road is as I rub and shovel myself off against the asphalt, and tear some skin off especially on my bony corner parts.

Then, at last, I have come to a halt.

There is silence. I cannot hear anything. I cannot move. I cannot speak. I can do nothing. I cannot even think. My thoughts just escaped ten seconds ago; and now, it’s null. It’s blank. It’s void. There is nothing at all.

I guess that’s it. That is all it. That is just how it goes.

I’m dead.

I just died.

I cannot believe that I’m all right here, standing still, watching my own cold body lying on the ground. This part of me is what I have not prepared for.

Duh, as if like it happens everyday!

Dead bodies are not what we get to see everyday, as to coffins are not one of those domestic decorations we see in regular houses on regular occasions.

It’s not like a lousy bump on the knee as we stupidly walk over a table; or, flipping a leg over as we pay less attention that the staircase has one more step, which we forget to step on.

The brains are the body as the emotions are the soul. It takes authenticity to see the soul through the eyes. Silence is therapeutic as it tames the unquiet mind yet, also deadly as it kills the tormented heart.

Big drops of rain keep pelting on my cold, lifeless, icy face as the darkened sky mercilessly drown me. I drown myself in, stirring it all in, struggling for it, hoping that I could bring myself back to life; but, guess what? I never did.

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2017 in The Avenue

 

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Its Loneliest Tick

Its Loneliest Tick

“There is loneliness in this world, so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of the clock.” — Charles Bukowski

It’s the intangible sensation that creeps beneath your skin, surfacing out, thrilling your nerves with unbearable chill.  It’s the undefined emotion that sculls your fear through the waves of your mind.  It’s the unsolicited presentiment that rooms into your thought, clearing all your mind’s furniture of sanity.  It’s that moment when hope abandons you, as fear torments you.

It’s dark.  Night-dark.  Casket-dark.  Darkest dark your vision could ever recognize.  It fuels the forever restless engine, sitting, rusting down the pit of the unmapped space of your heart.  It unlocks your forced-lock fear like vampires disturbed and awakened from their deep sleep down the deepest part of the dungeon by a single drop of fresh blood.  It skulls into your mind picture after picture of fangs, claws and misshapened shadows.  It shrinks your heart into an impossible fold where you cringe yourself in fear and sorrow.  You cower yourself exceedingly small as you keep watching over crawlies underneath your bed.  It feeds from your loneliest memory of the past.

It ticks, and it never stops.

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in The Avenue

 

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Hanging Up: When Friendship Hurts

Hanging Up: When Friendship Hurts

I was so aware of my slippers making steps as I tried to gambol down the staircase.  The house looked alive as the lights were switched on, but this undeniable feeling that it’s now dead was all over the atmosphere; like a curse was all casted upon it.

As soon as I opened the front door, the cold night breeze welcomed me, which made me wrap my arms around my shoulders.  I squinted while raising my head up the sky for the cold breeze was hurting my eyes.  The wind wasn’t blowing that strongly though, but its coldness was drying my eyes, causing pain, making them feel tired.  I kept making slow full steps away from the door as I kept glancing around, looking around, watching the leaves from a nearby tree smoothly sway with the breeze.  Its lusciousness kept the night renewed.

Despite the coldness of the night, I still kept walking away from the door, heading towards the gate.  As I reached the forever open gate, I made a long sigh to drop all the worries off.  The breeze was starting to go even colder as the night was about to go off, to give way to sunrise.  It’s early dawn and though I had just rested for few hours, I still felt like I never had.

How strange was this feeling that everyone in the house was already asleep yet, here I was, standing outside, withdrawing all my emotions off, keeping my heart cold to numb the pain.  I thought it was okay, but why did I feel differently all in a sudden?  Why did I suddenly drown when I thought that I finally had a grip?

The steady blow of this early morning air was cool enough to hurt my cheeks.  I was now getting conscious of my eyelids making folds everytime I blink.  My eyes were still growing dim and tired yet, my brains made them awake.  I wanted to take them back to bed and shut them forever yet, there’s something in me asking me to stay a little longer.

An unsolicited feeling of loneliness slowly invaded my heart like that of a nullity of shock as my emotions slowly deformed me in this relentless, formless melancholy.  It’s pinching my heart, crumpling it into a hundred folds. I was now starting to get numb about my very existence being out here as early as dawn, earlier than sunrise.  Then a sudden thought entered my mind.  So soft like that of a whisper of a friend who happened to be YOU, asking me to come home.  The more I noticed it, the more it turned louder like music played with cymbals and drums.  Or, maybe I was just not hearing it, afterall.  Probably!  Yet, probably, it’s your silence and your casual vacancies that I’ve been hearing all along, deafening my ears, getting even louder as the days had gone by.

Helpless about this situation, I just simply blinked my eyes as I raised them to the sky.  The waning Moon was still abroad so I still had to say, Hi!  It’s always been my late night companion.  It’s always there to listen.  What’s strange was that, it just felt exactly the same!  Circumstances differed but the pain felt exactly the same.  This pain when your friendship is having a hard time surviving its own crisis.  Time never heals everything.  That’s what I believe in; unless you go along with it.  Yet, this time, I don’t know if I still want to go along with.  I thought all was okay.  I just thought so.  I think it’s okay if I want to draw lines.  I think it’s okay to drive off the crowd.  I think it’s okay to cherish this pain for now because honestly, they still hurt.  I want silence.  I want peace.  I think it’s okay to show that I’m still not okay.

I have gotten to the point when I’m torn into half.  I have gotten to the point where all these little pebbles, which I endlessly crunch in my hands, now slowly dusting off like dead leaves dramatically falling on the ground as Summer gave way to Fall.

I still keep hearing your sweet voice calling my name from behind as a light clattering of plates interfered coming from a distant dining window.  It kept on pinching my heart as I inhaled this desperating air rising up in the night.  All my wishful thinking drowned me in the river of my own tears.  The pain had gotten heavier as I stayed here even longer.  The air had gotten warmer as I stepped on this broken bridge.  I was now moving away further from the deck where I could glance on the dining window.  I now heard nothing but the monotonous awkward sound of an empty night.

As I kept waiting right here in the dark, a sudden loud thunder broke out as heavy rain poured down on me, washing all my troubles yet, my hands were still burning like Winter fire.  They’re starting to age as my eyes were now turning pale.

Then I got destructed by the warmth I suddenly felt on my face, and thought that I needed to touch it, in which I did, then found myself surprised about how wet my face was.  I was crying.  I didn’t know I was already crying, and that just pulled me right off from my momentary trancĂ©.  I took a long sigh after finding myself back on my spot, right here, right now, standing by the open gate; and, that it’s cold because it’s Winter instead of Fall, and that the rain was just impossible to break out.

There was this heavy feeling that’s trying to surface from within; trying to push itself up to burst.  I’ve been fighting it until I can no longer hold it back, so then I just closed my eyes and simply let these warm big tears stream down my face.  The feeling was so relieving.  The feeling was so unnerving.  I thought I needed to cry, so then I did.  Feeding one’s loneliness could sometimes be the best feeling in the world.

So, I think it’s okay.  I think it’s okay not to be okay sometimes.  For now, I just want to stay this way.

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2017 in The Avenue

 

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Dualities

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The hissing of the crickets.  The whooshing of the leaves.  The light from the post.  The damp street.  The cold night air.  The whole essence of being there.

They all never matter now.  Being down here in expense of losing the world just never pays a fair shot.  There’s never a fair shot.  One time or another, you just have to come out in clean slate.  One time or another, you just have to make a choice for this world is one big phenomenon, same goes to life.  You can’t stay indifferent forever.

Despite the world, alone is still the most familiar word.  It just never runs out of room.  It gathers everyone in yet, it doesn’t help one feel better.  It just feeds one’s heart with sorrow and pain  until everything crashes down leaving one’s self helpless and desperate.  It breaks one’s every wall, destroys one’s every dream, corrupts one’s very own sanity as it continuously settles depression in the heart.  Worse is, most of the time, it’s contributed by those who hang around.

Fuck this world off and fuck you, you, and you!  You think this is subtle enough?  Think again!  You just created a world of mass hysteria for we will all drown in your different faces of selfishness.  If I have to die, you’re just too already late.  If I have to suffer, I guess, I’m not the first one.  If I have to lose everything that keeps me sane, I’m most willing to.  I’d rather settle in my own self-defined sense than to share the cruelty of the world you all created.  I’d rather stay this way forever for in my reality, you all don’t exist.  You will never exist.

You were never much of help anyway.  You were never there the day I died.  You all got reasons to pass all the burden right on my pouch.  You all got ways to leave everything behind forcing me to keep putting my life on hold just so you could live yours.

One day, you’ll just see me right down the cracks cold and stiff.  One day, you’ll just feel the coldness you caused my heart.  One day, you’ll just have me too late.  One day, you’ll just realize how fuck you all are for contributing a lot to my depression.  One day.  Just one day.  Then you’ll realize how deep the wounds in my heart really are.  You’ll realize the severity of the scars you engraved on my skin.  You’ll realize the horrific world you all just put me into.  You are the imbalance of my duality.  I just wish you never exist.

Posted by Movingnotion via Android

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2014 in The Avenue

 

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Dying But You’re Not

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BEHIND A SCAR is just another raptured scar reaped out by seven thousand never-ending wounds caused by seven thousand never-ending lies all tactlessly came out of your careless mouth. Wounds that forever lurk behind one’s mind igniting one’s misery to endlessly circle the drain like whirlpools drowning one’s heart in unbearable anger and vengance. Wounds that cooled one’s soul and hardened one’s heart. Wounds that endlessly reiterate all your relentless betrayal and abandonment.

HOW WELL DO you think you’re doing? How well do you think you know? Stop before you play back. Hear me scream as you reap my scars off. Watch me grind exceedingly small. Experience the torment of my slow death and the agony that despite the pain, I’m still not dying. Feel the awkward undeformed emotion of rushing death yet, death rushes me instead. Now keep your breathing regular as you whip me with your words. Empty words full of seven thousand lies that arise from your icy soul.

I GUESS YOU just never learned afterall that there’s just nothing more agonizing than dying but you’re not.

Posted by Movingnotion via Android

 
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Posted by on October 31, 2014 in The Avenue

 

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Stuffing Things

Stuffing Things
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The Wall of thoughts and emotions.

At times I rise, I fall. At times I fix, I destroy. At times I see things, I get blinded. At times I keep it, I waste it. Everything I hold, I crunch into pieces. Everything I own, I lose. Everything I come up with, end me up thrown into the dumps.

Emotions keep winning me over. Emotions keep driving me off my wall. Emotions keep pushing me off the cliff. A few more. Just few inches more and everything ends. Everything ends where nothing will be left out. Nothing will be left out as everything is already destroyed, all gone into million pieces. All scattered in the air and down on the ground as I collect myself with them in the dust. The more I keep collecting myself, the further my scatter goes. The more I hold a grip on myself, the more I get lost from my very hand. The more I keep running after myself, the further I move away.

So many thoughts yet, so little words. They all stuff inside my head and I just got so little ways of unloading them for everything I thought I am, I’m not. Everything it seems, it isn’t. Everything it isn’t, makes sense. What it is, it wouldn’t be and what it wouldn’t be, it would, you see?

Posted by Movingnotion via Android

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2014 in The Avenue

 
 
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