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Jouska

Jouska

Jouska

I like cancelled plans and missed trips.

I like the idea that not getting what you want is another stroke of luck.

I like finding something nice while looking for something else.

I like the flipping of the page to start a new chapter.

I like being awestruck in the moment.

I like the paling of the sky promising a new beginning.

I like watching the rain skittering down the window.

And feel the chrysalism I gain out of it.

I like walking on damped sideroads.

I like the astrophe I feel as I walk along.

And the petrichor I smell arousing from the wet grass.

I like bookshops’ vellichor.

And quiet coffee shops’ anemoic atmosphere.

I like this hypothetical conversation that I keep rolling in my mind.

I like being lost in ambedoic trancé as images from a distant past slowly yet, undeniably surface back in my mind.

I like having flight of thoughts.

I like the unsettling awareness of my own heartbeat.

I like to gambol on the staircase.

And to lilt in the kitchen.

I like my unkempt hair with over-worn pajamas.

I like empty boxes and scattered pens.

I like words and writing them.

I like silence.

I like space.

I like simplicity.

I don’t know why but I like not knowing why.

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Posted by on March 26, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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Weekly Writing Challenge: Abstraction

Weekly Writing Challenge: Abstraction: For these week’s writing challenge, experiment with image editing on WordPress.com. Take one of your existing photos and rework it by either cropping it into an extreme close-up, flipping it around, or turning it on its side. Then, write a post about your (now) abstract photography skills.

Hop in, hop out, all in the mouth — your nose, your eyes, princess disguise!

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2013 in Weekly Writing Challenge

 

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Saturday Edition – What I’m Writing and Reading

Saturday Edition – What We’re Writing and Reading

What I’m Writing:

I write about anything under the sun.  Anything that would catch my interest.  Usually, how I do it is that, at my wee hours especially at times that I’m really bored and that I just can’t make time turn faster, though I got nothing to do and nothing coming into mind on what to write about, I just sit in front of the computer, access my WordPress profile, read some stuff with either the blogs I follow or any topic on Freshly Pressed, then boom!  I’m already writing about something and once I start a topic, I can hardly stop myself then I’ll just notice how time flies so fast.  That’s how I usually write my blogs yet, often times though, my topics are mostly related to my emotions like at times I feel lonely, I get depressed or when I get pissed on something, I usually write them away to move on faster.

Yet, for a routine, something that I really write about are the following:

  • It’s a little novel that I’m starting to write.  It’s all about issues that may arise in a typical family and how the members survive.  This is more inspirational and I’m targeting the hearts of the readers.  This is supposedly my second unpublished novel.  Unfortunately, I lost the material of the first one in Cagayan de Oro City, the city down South I first settled for work year back 2006.
  • There’s this third novel I’m also starting to write but this one got a different twist.  It’s more like Suspense and fast-pace.  The problem here is that, I can’t figure out a title yet.  I haven’t published any book or article yet, but I’m hoping to have one soon.  I just completely have no idea on how to do it and I also know that it will cost a lot.

What I’m Reading:

I actually write more often than read but at times I read, it’s almost the same — just anything under the sun.  Anything that would catch my interest.  Yet, usually I don’t read at times I’m bored because, I don’t know.  I just don’t feel like doing so.  I don’t really have a routine when it comes to reading.  I haven’t even set any plan on when to read and how often should I read in a week.  I don’t even rarely run after authors.

Yet, if there’s a certain author and article I really read and follow, these are the following:

  • Reader’s Digest Weekly Subscription: I read about their “True Stories” Edition — Love, Inspiring and Amazing Survival Stories, for I love real life stories especially those at times of crisis.  I love real life stories because I’m often depressed and at times I am, I write more often and everytime I get to read a real life story of another person, I get back to my senses and appreciate life more.  I also follow their “Funny Jokes” and “Cartoons”
  • Bipolar Disorder Articles: Since I’m Bipolar and though I’m aware of my disorder, I still can hardly control my emotions at times they surface.  I read any online article regarding Bipolar disorder and how to control it.  At times I’m at a bookstore, I brush on some good books about it, too.  It’s just that, I don’t buy the book instead I just scan them at the bookstore then return it back to the bookshelf after reading.
  • The Daily Bread: I started reading this Religious book since the day I got it.  Well, I just got it last March 8 from my Sister in Christ.  I read it everyday before going to bed at night and early morning before I face the day.  As I mentioned, I’m usually depressed.  It’s who I am for I’m Bipolar and I cannot deny the times I get severe mood swings.  This book helps me a lot in knowing myself deeper in the presence of God and reminds me at times I get my emotions surface and I just can hardly control them.

For two weeks now, this has been my, I guess I can call it a routine now but I don’t know for how long for as I mentioned, I don’t really have any routine.  Yet, I enjoy it.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2013 in Saturday Edition

 

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Stay Regular: Writing Is My Best Therapy!

Quick Tip: Stay Regular:  An entry for wordpress.com regarding a topic, “A healthy blog is like a healthy colon; if you put crap in, you’ll get crap out.”

corporateHow come they were able to make it?  How were the big hitters able to dash through all the way?  How were they able to get up there and stay right there?  When and how did they start?  Who are they all and how many are they out there?

The park is my fastest getaway at night when everyone’s heading home but at daylight, if I get there early, I rush to a nearby bookstore and browse on any book or article about writing.  It’s what I do best.  I’ve been writing ever since I was in high school.  My twin sister started it and now I’m living what we used to be doing together.  I always love writing and I know I’ll never get tired of it so I’m helping myself out.  I wanna learn more about this field and what other methodologies I need to learn and adapt.  I also browse on stories about young writers especially the big ones.  They’re stories behind writing amaze me.  I look up to them and wanna become one of them.  I really love doing this for this is the task that’s closest to my heart.  It’s never taking endless calls everyday, managing people from time to time, nor helping young individuals learn fundamentals of knowledge — it’s writing!  My heart keeps shouting it at all corners waiting to burst.

Despite that, I cannot deny that it also adds up to my depression for lately, I’ve been craving for it; that I didn’t wanna do anything else anymore but just keep writing.  Even my daily routines were lately affected by my obsession.  Everyday I think about it as everyday, I write.  I never stop writing as I never stop thinking.  How come the big ones were able to make it?  How come they were able to pass through all circumstances?  Is it because they’re normal while I’m not?  Though I’m a Bipolar and I do have extreme mood swings, my writing hobby is never affected.  Actually, I can even write more at times I’m depressed for this is my refuge.  This is my comfort zone.  In writing is where I’m safe.  I can runaway from the world and live in my imagination.  I’m more on imagining things.  I’m more on story telling.  I’m more on description for these things are what I’m usually repressed from.  At times the world just hits me all at once, I run to my fantasy.  I run through my never-ending aisle of imagination.  I’ve even created myself high walls where no one could reach me and hurt me at times I’m so alone.  I’ve even built a castle for my late twin sister whom I used to write together with so she could stay and rest in my heart forever.  I’m so good at imagining things.  I’m good in thinking.  I’m good in planning and believing but I’m not in putting them into action.  I’m not good in realizing dreams.  My real life even sucks for all my undying emotions just surface even now making me depressed and lost focus and will to live my life.  But at times all this happens, I come back to writing and there, I become whole again and as I’ve said, my writing is never affected by my real issues.  They boost up instead.  Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, as soon as life hits me down the cracks, I let my mind drift and create tiny little pictures until they formulate a story.  Once a story enters my mind, I start writing them and my life continues as my depression goes off.

At times I’m depressed and all undying emotions surface from within, my unquiet mind keeps on twirling and twirling like it’s going around in circles going nowhere fast.  Yet, everytime it does that, the only time I’m able to understand these emotions is when I put them into writing.  Everytime I write them, I’m able to determine each feeling that surface one by one and understand how each of them cause me gravitational pull all coming from a certain spot in my heart that runs through in fast circles like whirlpools until they knock me off the shelf driving me off so crazy.  My mind gets captured as my mind thinks all by itself that I can hardly control it.  Yet, instead of repeating what I used to do at times I get depressed where I welcome the thoughts of running my life off the cliff to end everything up, I write instead.  This is my best therapy and I just lately realized that.  All this time, it’s just lately I’ve come to understand that depression can still be won over by doing what I love doing and that’s writing it down for I can very well express myself in writing more than conversing. This is what I’ve been doing for two weeks now and as my close friends observed that I’m getting better.

I should have realized this long ago.  I should have realized this early this year for last month, my depression was severely serious for negative thoughts really entered my mind so fast and easily won me over most of the nights as undying emotions surfaced five to seven times a day and each time they surface, they stay long for an hour to three.  There was even a week when I was seriously depressed from the time I woke up in the morning until the time I was about to go to bed.  I did nothing but kept on crying feeling sorry for myself that I was still alive and that I still woke up.  I kept on hating my mornings for everytime I woke up and open my eyes, a strong undeniable thought quickly entered my mind, whispering, “Oh shit, why am I still alive?”

That was scary.  That was seriously scary.  This time, I’m not gonna let myself keep circling the drain anymore.  I’m all tired of being depressed.  Now that I’m able to find my way out.  Now that I was able to discover my quickest getaway from this avenue, I don’t wanna stay right down there forever.

I’m slowly healing now and at the same time, starting to realize the worth of living.  Well, thanks to my happy pill alternative which is writing, I was able to find my way toward my inner peace.  I was able to find my best way of driving my depression off in an effortless way.  Well, the source is still uncertain though yet, I don’t care.  Not for now.  I’m not on this ground to figure it out.  All I know is that, it’s really in deed helping me out and I just never thought writing is my obsession ever since that turned out to be a very good hobby.

 
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Posted by on February 23, 2013 in The Avenue

 

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Writing Is My Obsession That Turned Out To Be A Hobby!

writingWHILE WRITING, I’ve been thinking of something sweet to stimulate my nerve cells and doze some extra sugar in my brains.  It started very lightly like I just remembered a piece of that forever Classic Chocolate Cake at Starbucks until it grew and until such time when I can hardly push it off my mind anymore and writing became to difficult for me for I was already pre-occupied.

GUESS WHAT?  A coincidence just happened this afternoon.  I was in a park just sitting for awhile before heading home right after doing what I tediously do everyday, when a friend whom I just met on the floor just passed me by again and all in a sudden, just walked to me and handed me a single pack of Jack n’ Jill Cream-O as she gave me three 130php-off ticket for Star City Ride-All-You-Can.  I was so pleased with the gesture and when I read the ticket, it clearly said in a left corner, “Do whatever He tells you!”  A verse from John 2:5.  Yes, I’ll do whatever He tells me and that’s writing.  It shouts loudly somewhere in my brains and it’s what I’ve always wanted to do.

I AM A FRUSTRATED WRITER.  I have plenty of it in my wardrobe.  It’s already my obsession that turned out to be a good hobby.  I can even sit the whole day and just simply write.  It’s my only escape from the world for everytime I write, I’m just another typical individual.  Everytime I write, I could be anybody in this world whom I could think of.  Everytime I write, everything drives off the bat.  If I could just get a full-time writing job then I’ll be the happiest person on earth.  It’s just that, it seems so impossible for everytime I make an attempt, I always get a knock off my shelf.  I wonder when my big break would be?  I wonder when could I get what I really want?

EVERYTIME I WRITE, all of my depression drift away.  I could write them all away.  They’re just at the tip of my pen and everytime I use a PC, the soft sound of the computer keys please me.  It’s the soundtrack of my life.  I’m all for writing and I’ll be waiting for that day when I could simply write the whole time.

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in The Avenue

 

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