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Jouska

Jouska

I like cancelled plans and missed trips.

I like the idea that not getting what you want is another stroke of luck.

I like finding something nice while looking for something else.

I like the flipping of the page to start a new chapter.

I like being awestruck in the moment.

I like the paling of the sky promising a new beginning.

I like watching the rain skittering down the window.

And feel the chrysalism I gain out of it.

I like walking on damped sideroads.

I like the astrophe I feel as I walk along.

And the petrichor I smell arousing from the wet grass.

I like bookshops’ vellichor.

And quiet coffee shops’ anemoic atmosphere.

I like this hypothetical conversation that I keep rolling in my mind.

I like being lost in ambedoic trancé as images from a distant past slowly yet, undeniably surface back in my mind.

I like having flight of thoughts.

I like the unsettling awareness of my own heartbeat.

I like to gambol on the staircase.

And to lilt in the kitchen.

I like my unkempt hair with over-worn pajamas.

I like empty boxes and scattered pens.

I like words and writing them.

I like silence.

I like space.

I like simplicity.

I don’t know why but I like not knowing why.

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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SUNDAY POST : Arrangement

SUNDAY POST : Arrangement: The act of arranging or being arranged like Places, living things or collection of things that have been arranged.

These are Filipino delicacies a visitor would always see prepared on tables in a typical Filipino gathering.  And these pictures were taken last New Year’s Eve before year 2013.  It was just a simple celebration yet the happiness and memories fostered throughout the night was unforgetable.

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2013 in Sunday Posts

 

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Daily Prompt: VIP

Daily Prompt: VIP: Who’s the most important person in your life — and how would your day-to-day existence be different without them?

My mother.  She’s the one.  At this point of my life, she’s the one who matters most.  I’m here in this big city opt for work and I’ve been here for more than three years now yet I was only able to visit my hometown for just five days.  I’m not really alone here.  I live with my relatives and got my own circle of friends — the real ones.  I got my life here as well for work has always been here now.

Yet, though how settled and independent I am for I can surely take care of myself now, I still can’t take it off my heart that I still miss my mother.  I really miss her so much especially at times I’m all alone and the world seems to have closed its doors on me.

I got to have a lot of friends.  You name it, I got it.  I got them almost everywhere.  Wherever I go around the whole Metro Manila, I got friends.  I meet them sometimes.  I even catch time with them.  Yet friends are friends.  They come and they go.  They stay and they leave.  Some are worthwhile and some are so-so.  Some truly understands you and pick you up at times you’re down while some are what we call fair-weather friends.  They stay when you’re upbeat but they leave when you’re no longer of use for them.

Regarding relationships, I don’t know.  I’m not searching for one for I’m all happy for what I have now.  I’m not looking for someone to be with in the future for — this is my future!  I already got the past.  I’m happy being Single.  Oh no. I am Single and happy!  That’s it.  Besides, love is not just about an intimate relationship with a partner but it’s all everything that’s beautiful around us.  I can make myself fall in love at anytime.  I just look at one thing and I’m in love.

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But my intimate love is my mother.  She’s my whole life.  I don’t know if I could handle it if I’ll lose her.  She’s been there for me way before it all started and even now, she’s still there for me though she’s miles away.  She welcomed me and took me for who I really am after all these years and after all that happened.  She got a few questions yet she accepted what answer she got from me.  She’s this type of person who befriends her daughter and loves as a mother.  She’s my unrequited love.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2013 in Daily Prompt

 

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Daily Prompt: Seven Days

Daily Prompt: Seven Days: You wake up tomorrow morning to find all your plans have been cancelled for the next seven days and $10,000 on your dresser. Tell us about your week.

$10,000 is already a very big money here in the country and if I have to spend it within the next seven days, it’s never gonna be thrown to waste.  Here, my life is just as plain as the road that I keep tracking down.  It’s just as clean as the blue sky above and it’s just as open as the book I love reading over and over again.

In my first fifteen years of life, I’ve lived grandiosely.  My parents provided me and my siblings more than adequate and I truly satisfied myself.  I enjoyed my fairytale-like childhood and all my dolls and preppy dresses which I never realized how expensive they were.  I got most of what I needed and I enjoyed most of what I wanted, but not recently.

Years turned pages and so as my life.  Everything I used to enjoy were all gone.  After my Doctor Dad died, I indirectly turned to be a breadwinner until such time, I realized that I already was, and I am now.  I work hard in this big city to provide my family their daily needs.  I work hard to pay my family’s undying debts and so as mine.  I work hard to find myself, reach my goals and to somehow twist my reality.  I wish I could make things better.  Though I know that I can never bring back what my family used to have but at least, I could give my mother a better life for her elderly years.  I love her so much and I’ll do everything for her.  I came here in this big city for her.  She’s always been part of my dreams and for all my failures and accomplishments, she’s always there.  My big sister as well for she had done a lot of sacrifices for me when I was still in College.  She gave up her life just to have me finish and now that I successfully graduated from College and was able to get a well compensating job, I’m always gonna be there to pick her up at times she drops.  Part of my life are my sister-like two nieces for the big one has been living with us all her life treating my mother, who happened to be her grandmother, as her second mother as well, while the little one has been so used rushing at home at times she hated theirs for she treats my big sister, who happened to be her aunt, as her second mother.  These two little kids are actually biologically sisters and they just love hanging around with us.

If given a chance, a one in a million chance, if only unselfish and just seeing a $10,000 worth of money in my closet, I’ll spend it with them.  I’ll have it fractioned.  The first $2,000 will go for the family debt and so as mine.  The second will be for my big sister in putting up a small business.  The third will go to the bank, $1,000 for my mother’s savings and the other $1,000 for mine.  The fourth will be for a small unit here in the city for I want to take them all with me and just leave the province for good, and for buying the necessary things for settling down.  And the last part, will be for my two nieces’ education here in the city.  They would need the money very soon.

They worth more than $10,000!

They worth more than $10,000!

Engrandeng Bakasyon, Vacaccion Grande, Grand Vacation or however you call it.  That’s all that will first come to mind, I’m sure.  $10,000 is already a very big money here in the country and if I have to spend it within the next seven days, definitely, it will never be gone to waste.  I can travel my country very soon.  I can even travel the whole world if given the chance but, with all I experienced with my family especially during the difficult years when we lost everything we got, I wouldn’t want a grand vacation anymore.  A well compensating stable job, a little unit I can call my own, to lessen my debts, and to keep my family with me all in good health — they all worth more than $10,000!

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2013 in Daily Prompt

 

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Daily Prompt: Seconds!

Daily Prompt: Seconds!  Describe the most satisfying meal you’ve ever eaten, in glorious detail.

sinigang na baboyThis has always been my favorite dish ever since I was a little girl.  It’s a Filipino dish called “Sinigang na Baboy” or Pork Sinigang which literally means “a pot of pork with tamarind soup.”

I so love the sour taste of it’s soup especially when it’s salty and sour flavors mix, it’s a mouthful of flavor that would play around your tongue giving you a sudden thrill in your cheekbones as it’s sour taste emanates waking your senses destroying your face as your nerves shrink in with it’s tangy acid taste.

It’s been my everlasting love since childhood and I would never get sick of sipping it’s sour soup and eating it’s sour pork everyday.

 
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Posted by on February 23, 2013 in Daily Prompt

 

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Interpretations of Love

Interpretations of Love

pizzaLOVE IS A STATE OF MIND.  It’s when you’re doing what you’re comfortable of doing.  It’s like a hobby that you’re used with that you just mastered for so long and would just come out so naturally from you.  It’s your cup of coffee that you cannot start your day without.  It’s your morning paper that you never miss every morning.  It’s that daily train that you take a ride with every morning that always prevent you from being late from reporting to work.  It’s that favourite piece of cake from a store just around the corner that you always crave for every afternoon after work.  It’s that simple conversation with a friend that made you felt liked and loved.  It’s that long empty bench that no one appreciates yet you always sit on as you wait for your daily afternoon bus ride.  It’s your pet dog that you play with everytime you arrive home.

LOVE IS NOT JUST ABOUT how you feel for another person whether an opposite sex, a relative or a friend.  It’s all about the comfortability that you get out of something that makes you happy even just for a moment and wouldn’t make you sick of everytime you experience it.  Let’s not make it complicated.  It’s as simple as the word itself.  Just look around.  It’s all everything that’s beautiful around you.

 
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Posted by on February 17, 2013 in Daily Prompt, Lyrics of Life

 

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Kiss

kissTHIS IS A PICTURE taken 2 years ago when I visited my God-daughter on the day she was born.  After how many years, almost a decade, it was just the only time I was able to hold a new born child again and it felt so awesome.  She’s very tiny and fragile where you’ll be scared of holding her for the scare of falling her off or breaking her up yet I can never forget the thrill I felt that time.  It felt like she’s my child and that she’s born on this earth for me.  The thrill was really different and every child you hold gives you different thrills which are very unique.  A thrill that makes you want to live your life even longer.

AS A LOT OF SONGS clearly emphasized on their lyrics that when you love a child, you don’t just forgive seven times seven but it’s seven times seventy-one.  I sometimes get to the point where I’m torn into half for I long for a child of my own believing that she’s the only one who would complete me but on the other minute, I get to the point where I thank God for I got no child yet for I can even hardly manage myself at times depression hit me down the drain; how much more having a child with me.  I don’t think I could ever handle it and it would be very unfair for her for her mother is always depressed instead of taking good care of her, raising her, her mother is assisted by her grandmother instead for she’s Bipolar.

I GET TO THE POINT where I feel sorry for myself ending up this way yet having this picture and everytime I look at it, I always feel so whole again.  It encourages me to keep living my life the way I should and that one day, all these depression will be completely gone and once that happen, I know, I’ll be ready for it.  By that time, I’ll have a child of my own and I’ll nourish her and give her all the love in the world.

An entry for worpress.com’s Weekly Photo Challenge: Kiss with the theme, “Kiss. There are a lot of ways to capture a kiss, between two people – lovers, family, friends; two animals, or even just the sending or receiving of a kiss”

 
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Posted by on February 17, 2013 in Weekly Photo Challenge

 

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