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Lumos Solem: A Child’s Game

Lumos Solem: A Child’s Game

Lumos Solem: A Child’s Game

I used to raise a hand towards the tiny openings of an old wooden platform, face my palm straight towards the ray of 7:30 AM sunlight, and watch the back of my hand luminously glow in crimsoned red as I feel the warm wave of heat where morning dust particles arouse in the air.

I used to listen to the most silent form of silence and get amazed by the awkward monotonous buzz that I hear drilling through the inner lobe of my ears.

I used to get amazed by my own heartbeat, and would suddenly remember that I just forgot that I was breathing.  Then it amazed me once again.

I used to step out in the patio right after the rain and enjoy the smell of petrichor arousing in the air.

I used to stare at thin air, and question why I cannot see the air.

I used to watch flowers very closely and imagine Thumbelina tucked up among the buds.

I used to look for tiny little mushrooms that grow on damped woods where orchids used to flourish, look for dwarfs, and pretend that I was Snow White.

I used to wonder how worms hide beneath the soil and still can breathe.

I used to believe that if I hide my face behind a wall, the rest of my body would be invisible.

I used to wish to have superpowers as I used to play pretend that I could move objects and start a fire through mental telepathy.

I used to run as fast as I can towards my bed upon switching the lights off in the fear that demons will run after me.

I used to believe that the scariest task a child was ever obliged to do was to go upstairs alone in the night.  Watching the stairs itself used to freak me out.

I used to believe that the scariest part in my room was underneath my bed where nighttime crawlies awaken after midnight.

I used to imagine that my whole family was being killed and that I was next everytime I hear thumps while I was taking a shower.

At times I used to wake up late and that the hallways and stairs were silent, I used to believe that I was already dead and that I was walking in the ghost realm.  Then I would start looking for my own dead body as I try to remember as much as I can on how I possibly died.

I used to own a Jane doll, a big walking porcelain doll, the prettiest among my dolls yet, which face I used to place down flat on a pillow and cover with used clothes before going to bed for her eyes used to freak me out everytime I get awaken in the middle of night.

I used to play with Donald and Mickey, and never realized that one day, they will become leaders in the US.

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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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Its Loneliest Tick

Its Loneliest Tick

“There is loneliness in this world, so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of the clock.” — Charles Bukowski

It’s the intangible sensation that creeps beneath your skin, surfacing out, thrilling your nerves with unbearable chill.  It’s the undefined emotion that sculls your fear through the waves of your mind.  It’s the unsolicited presentiment that rooms into your thought, clearing all your mind’s furniture of sanity.  It’s that moment when hope abandons you, as fear torments you.

It’s dark.  Night-dark.  Casket-dark.  Darkest dark your vision could ever recognize.  It fuels the forever restless engine, sitting, rusting down the pit of the unmapped space of your heart.  It unlocks your forced-lock fear like vampires disturbed and awakened from their deep sleep down the deepest part of the dungeon by a single drop of fresh blood.  It skulls into your mind picture after picture of fangs, claws and misshapened shadows.  It shrinks your heart into an impossible fold where you cringe yourself in fear and sorrow.  You cower yourself exceedingly small as you keep watching over crawlies underneath your bed.  It feeds from your loneliest memory of the past.

It ticks, and it never stops.

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in The Avenue

 

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My Forelsket: A Bittersweet Remembrance of Love

My Forelsket: A Bittersweet Remembrance of Love

Late post: 2nd March 2017

My Forelsket: A Bittersweet Remembrance of Love
Your brains were the sexiest part of you, as your heart was worth the love.

I set sail on the expanse of your mind, as you braved yourself enough to enter my storm.

I dived into the deepest abyss of your being, as you loved the size of my waves.

You amused me with your intellectual capacity, as I impressed you with my words.

You relished the love in my soul through coffee shop dates, as I moved your heart with my love letters.
I fell in love with your brains as I fell in love with your heart.

I fell in love with your heart as I fell in love with your soul.

I fell in love with your soul as I fell in love with your love for me.

I fell in love with your love for me as I fell in love with you.
Jun,

My Love,
On this day, I once again visit you in this little nook in my heart where you peacefully rest as you stay with me forever.

I once again feel the strong grip of your hand holding mine.

I once again feel your amaranthine love right at the very center of my heart.

The same day I last heard your voice calling my name from the deepest lobe of my brains.
Among the phosphenes that I see as I rub my eyes off from tears, your eesome face surfaces as all our beautiful past reverberates.

Yet, unlike before, your memories now bring me smiles instead of sorrow, peace instead of grief, and love instead of mourn.

Though tears of loneliness still fill my tristful heart.

Yes, they still flow; just not as often as before.
It’s been a year now since you went away yet, my love for you remains exactly the same as the first day.

Until the day we meet again, I will keep writing you short letters, and will keep sending them up to the Moon.

I hope you would take a trip, and pick them up.
I missed you so much;

And, I love you, too!
Rest now, my Love.

May you find peace with God Almighty;

And, may I find the strength to let you go.

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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My Super Mario Brother

My Super Mario Brother

Late post: 16/01/2017

My Super Mario Brother!

You were 16 years of age when I was born together with my twin sister. Since then, my childhood rollercoaster ride has begun!

To the greatest Electrical Engineer of my life, my big Super Mario Brother, Frank James William D. Pil ~ Happy, Happy Birthday!

Thank you for tolerating my tantrums.

Thank you for spoiling my impulsive behavior.

Thank you for always siding with my hyperactivity.

Thank you for intentionally losing the games to make me win. (Hahaha!)

Thank you for being one of those who used to place my Christmas stockings, which I yearly hang up on the seller, on top of oversized boxes of toys, which I wholeheartedly believed were really from dear old Santa Claus for long serious years. (Hmm, imagine that!)

Thank you for my Walt Disney Beauty and the Beast laser disc VHS tape, which I never got fed up of watching every morning before going to school, every afternoon upon arriving home from school, and every night before going to bed. Until now, I still memorize the whole movie lines from start to finish. (Could anybody get way crazier than that!)

Thank you for granting all my Walt Disney dreams, my wishes upon the stars, my wishes up on Santa’s lap, my grade school road drives, my family computer and Game Boy gaming consoles, my Super Mario Bros, Popeye the Sailor man, Contra, and all other 1000-in-1 console tapes, my first bicycle, my gallons of ice cream, the childish jokes, the urban legends, the tickles and run games up and down the staircase back in the old house, and for shutting me up by giving me what I want. (Tsktsk!)

You were the Jean Claude Van Damme and Sylvester Stallone of my childhood.

You greatly contributed to my princess-like childhood. Thank you for making it a living fairytale, which always make me smile with tears everytime I look back and remember.

And, until now, you still keep watching over me, which is too obvious to everyone around me.

Thank you for always being patient at times I change my mind a million times within an hour, and for believing that whenever we are together, I’m always right. Even though I’m wrong, I’m right! (Hahahahahahaha!!!)

Thank you so much, Kuya Jimmy for being my big brother. You are the best and you are THE MAN!!! ~ Yeah! \m/

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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Jana

Jana

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Jana!

My FRIENDS knock on my door to check me out if I’m still awake. ~ My BESTFRIEND just barges right through and yell, “Jan, I’m home!”

My FRIENDS look around when they enter my room. ~ My BESTFRIEND parades as she has memorized every single corner of it!

My FRIENDS ask permission when they borrow my stuff, and say “Thank you!” Upon returning them the next day. ~ My BESTFRIEND just shops around though I’m not there then say, “Jan, I borrowed your this and this and that and that. Just tell me when you need them!”

My FRIENDS say, “Hi, July! How are you?” When whenever we meet at work. ~ My BESTFRIEND kisses me and say, “I love you, okay?” In every situation!

My FRIENDS say, “Thank you!” When I offer them my food. ~ My BESTFRIEND just plomps herself lousily on a chair and say, “Good! You cooked. I’m hungry!” Without any invitation at all.

My FRIENDS mention my name when they talk about me. ~ My BESTFRIEND says, “My July.” When she talks about me.

My FRIENDS listen when I talk. ~ My BESTFRIEND is all ears on me like she’s hearing the last words on the planet when I talk.

My FRIENDS celebrate Friendship Day every once in awhile. ~ I celebrate it everytime I’m with my BESTFRIEND!

My FRIENDS are just a few. ~ My BESTFRIEND is my Bosnian kid!

She’s European ~ I’m Asian!

She’s got four seasons ~ I got two!

She’s got 3 big chunks of land ~ I got 7,107!

She’s got beautiful medieval places ~ I got a Summer getaway!

She kicked ass as she won over Team Russia during a European Kick Boxing Championship Tournament ~ I write everytime I’m frustrated and want to kick someone’s ass right down the next corner!

She makes a cup of coffee ~ I drink it!

She starts a thought ~ I finish it!

She consumes my condiments ~ I consume her bread!

She likes my rice ~ I like her coffee!

She likes the way I agree to disagree ~ I like the way she convinces me!

She likes my type of crazy ~ Oh, please! She just obviously got no idea that she’s way worse than ever!

A beautiful friendship with a beautiful start. ~ No drama, no bullshit!

And, I will never trade it over anything that may knock on my motor!

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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Message To Self: Never Grow Up

Message To Self: Never Grow Up

​Dear little kiddo,

You have never grown up.

You have always loved the rain because you were never allowed to play in the rain.

You have always brought a chair out in the patio with a cup of coffee during rainy days just to pamper the amniotic tranquility that you feel as you stay indoor during a thunderstorm.

You have always loved to listen to the roaring sound of thunder and watch the immense trail of lightning as you find them intensely beautiful, dramatic and romantic.

You always had those hard times passing standardized exams because you never had a standardized mind.

You have always loved Math, but Math hates you.

You used to sleep in the night with one big book beside your pillow, which pages you randomly flip on to read on a daily basis, Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary.

You used to disappear from most family occasions, gatherings with friends, and from the rest of the world, as you prioritized the figures that should reflect on your Transcript of Records.

You have always believed that there’s a time and place for everything, and it’s called “College.”

You have always earned the taglines weird, nerd, different and freak, because your fields of interest were never the same as of the others.

You never compete instead, you always love to be different.

You never go where the crowd goes, for being in a group usually bores you.

Most of the nights, you lock yourself in your room as you play pretend that you’re in front of a class reporting about the new idea that you just read from a certain online article.

The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat always leave you with awe.

You have always forgotten the details that you just heard from your most recent conversations as you always occupy your thoughts with the details from those conversations that interest you.

You are always seen by the others as “head-in-the-cloud” type of person as your thoughts always wander in mid-day trancé.

You have always paid attention to the hypothetical conversations that keep rolling in your mind.

You have always loved to talk to the character that you created.

You have always wished up on the craters of the Moon instead on stars.

You have always loved to sing in the shower.

You have always loved to eat when no one’s watching.

You have always loved to watch Walt Disney Classic cartoons and Disney Animations.

You easily forgive yet, you hardly forgets.

You have always given everybody the benefit of the doubt.

You have always believed that there is goodness in everybody.

Your heart never hardens as your temper never tries.

You have never grown up.

Stay the same.

I love you just the way you are.

Love,

Your present self

 
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Posted by on February 20, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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My Emerald in the Sand

My Emerald in the Sand

I took a trip one day,
In a place I least expected;
When there’s just nothing else to say —
As time felt like reverted.

The roads sizzled in Summer,
And, the air just burned my skin;
The days were long, the nights were longer —
As tomorrow was unforeseen.

Then I saw you there sitting alone,
Surprised by this everlasting turmoil;
Your luscious green, your vivid tone —
My emerald, you just simply pleased this Arabian soil.

You might have wondered,
For what brought you here;
For there’s just nothing you’ve discovered —
But the sand, the air, and the sky so clear.

Yet, this arid soil was amazed as you came,
Together with the doves on the dates;
For every day for them was lame and the same —
At least, finding something new compensates.

My sluggish soul was pleased as well,
As I completely stopped and stare;
You are the first I saw in my life, I would tell —
For you are the rarest among all colors fair.

Among all colors, you are seriously rare,
For you turn more vibrant in happiness, anger and excitement;
As the rich color of green that you bear —
Captures attention and unexpected denouement.

Yet you visually play with colors, too,
In a room in the night when the lights are dim;
You play this trick from green to blue —
Like the sky, that’s just how you seem.

But, somewhat lately, I just have to say,
The color I adore, no longer comes my way;
For your luscious green just turned dull gray —
By sadness and irritations that lined up your array.

You don’t deserve this!
Just none of it all,
For no harm you could ever make;
To put out your brightness
As you’re taken control —
Over, that was a big mistake.

You suffered in pain,
You suffered in tears,
This was not what you came for;
The green turned gray,
My precious emerald —
What more are you looking for?

This place may not be for you,
As for you may not be for this place;
For your luscious green in Springtime due —
Are being buried just to disgrace.

This price is high!
It’s not for you,
Yet, they ought to get you in a show;
If be like this, everyday you’ll cry —
Then I would rather let you go.

If I could just somehow share your pain,
I, for sure, have now made my way;
For I missed you, my emerald —
I simply miss you everyday.

Well, I guess, that’s it!
That is all it,
Not everything comes for free;
I shouldn’t wonder,
My emerald in the sand —
One day, I will no longer get to see.

I took a trip one day,
In a place I least expected;
When there’s just nothing else to say
But, “Hi!” —
Then precious emerald turned to me,
And, a beautiful friendship started.

 
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Posted by on February 1, 2017 in Lyrics of Life

 

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