My Forelsket: A Bittersweet Remembrance of Love

My Forelsket: A Bittersweet Remembrance of Love

Late post: 2nd March 2017

My Forelsket: A Bittersweet Remembrance of Love
Your brains were the sexiest part of you, as your heart was worth the love.

I set sail on the expanse of your mind, as you braved yourself enough to enter my storm.

I dived into the deepest abyss of your being, as you loved the size of my waves.

You amused me with your intellectual capacity, as I impressed you with my words.

You relished the love in my soul through coffee shop dates, as I moved your heart with my love letters.
I fell in love with your brains as I fell in love with your heart.

I fell in love with your heart as I fell in love with your soul.

I fell in love with your soul as I fell in love with your love for me.

I fell in love with your love for me as I fell in love with you.

My Love,
On this day, I once again visit you in this little nook in my heart where you peacefully rest as you stay with me forever.

I once again feel the strong grip of your hand holding mine.

I once again feel your amaranthine love right at the very center of my heart.

The same day I last heard your voice calling my name from the deepest lobe of my brains.
Among the phosphenes that I see as I rub my eyes off from tears, your eesome face surfaces as all our beautiful past reverberates.

Yet, unlike before, your memories now bring me smiles instead of sorrow, peace instead of grief, and love instead of mourn.

Though tears of loneliness still fill my tristful heart.

Yes, they still flow; just not as often as before.
It’s been a year now since you went away yet, my love for you remains exactly the same as the first day.

Until the day we meet again, I will keep writing you short letters, and will keep sending them up to the Moon.

I hope you would take a trip, and pick them up.
I missed you so much;

And, I love you, too!
Rest now, my Love.

May you find peace with God Almighty;

And, may I find the strength to let you go.

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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life


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My Super Mario Brother

My Super Mario Brother

Late post: 16/01/2017

My Super Mario Brother!

You were 16 years of age when I was born together with my twin sister. Since then, my childhood rollercoaster ride has begun!

To the greatest Electrical Engineer of my life, my big Super Mario Brother, Frank James William D. Pil ~ Happy, Happy Birthday!

Thank you for tolerating my tantrums.

Thank you for spoiling my impulsive behavior.

Thank you for always siding with my hyperactivity.

Thank you for intentionally losing the games to make me win. (Hahaha!)

Thank you for being one of those who used to place my Christmas stockings, which I yearly hang up on the seller, on top of oversized boxes of toys, which I wholeheartedly believed were really from dear old Santa Claus for long serious years. (Hmm, imagine that!)

Thank you for my Walt Disney Beauty and the Beast laser disc VHS tape, which I never got fed up of watching every morning before going to school, every afternoon upon arriving home from school, and every night before going to bed. Until now, I still memorize the whole movie lines from start to finish. (Could anybody get way crazier than that!)

Thank you for granting all my Walt Disney dreams, my wishes upon the stars, my wishes up on Santa’s lap, my grade school road drives, my family computer and Game Boy gaming consoles, my Super Mario Bros, Popeye the Sailor man, Contra, and all other 1000-in-1 console tapes, my first bicycle, my gallons of ice cream, the childish jokes, the urban legends, the tickles and run games up and down the staircase back in the old house, and for shutting me up by giving me what I want. (Tsktsk!)

You were the Jean Claude Van Damme and Sylvester Stallone of my childhood.

You greatly contributed to my princess-like childhood. Thank you for making it a living fairytale, which always make me smile with tears everytime I look back and remember.

And, until now, you still keep watching over me, which is too obvious to everyone around me.

Thank you for always being patient at times I change my mind a million times within an hour, and for believing that whenever we are together, I’m always right. Even though I’m wrong, I’m right! (Hahahahahahaha!!!)

Thank you so much, Kuya Jimmy for being my big brother. You are the best and you are THE MAN!!! ~ Yeah! \m/


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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life


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“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche


My FRIENDS knock on my door to check me out if I’m still awake. ~ My BESTFRIEND just barges right through and yell, “Jan, I’m home!”

My FRIENDS look around when they enter my room. ~ My BESTFRIEND parades as she has memorized every single corner of it!

My FRIENDS ask permission when they borrow my stuff, and say “Thank you!” Upon returning them the next day. ~ My BESTFRIEND just shops around though I’m not there then say, “Jan, I borrowed your this and this and that and that. Just tell me when you need them!”

My FRIENDS say, “Hi, July! How are you?” When whenever we meet at work. ~ My BESTFRIEND kisses me and say, “I love you, okay?” In every situation!

My FRIENDS say, “Thank you!” When I offer them my food. ~ My BESTFRIEND just plomps herself lousily on a chair and say, “Good! You cooked. I’m hungry!” Without any invitation at all.

My FRIENDS mention my name when they talk about me. ~ My BESTFRIEND says, “My July.” When she talks about me.

My FRIENDS listen when I talk. ~ My BESTFRIEND is all ears on me like she’s hearing the last words on the planet when I talk.

My FRIENDS celebrate Friendship Day every once in awhile. ~ I celebrate it everytime I’m with my BESTFRIEND!

My FRIENDS are just a few. ~ My BESTFRIEND is my Bosnian kid!

She’s European ~ I’m Asian!

She’s got four seasons ~ I got two!

She’s got 3 big chunks of land ~ I got 7,107!

She’s got beautiful medieval places ~ I got a Summer getaway!

She kicked ass as she won over Team Russia during a European Kick Boxing Championship Tournament ~ I write everytime I’m frustrated and want to kick someone’s ass right down the next corner!

She makes a cup of coffee ~ I drink it!

She starts a thought ~ I finish it!

She consumes my condiments ~ I consume her bread!

She likes my rice ~ I like her coffee!

She likes the way I agree to disagree ~ I like the way she convinces me!

She likes my type of crazy ~ Oh, please! She just obviously got no idea that she’s way worse than ever!

A beautiful friendship with a beautiful start. ~ No drama, no bullshit!

And, I will never trade it over anything that may knock on my motor!

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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Posted by on March 24, 2017 in Lyrics of Life


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Message To Self: Never Grow Up

Message To Self: Never Grow Up

​Dear little kiddo,

You have never grown up.

You have always loved the rain because you were never allowed to play in the rain.

You have always brought a chair out in the patio with a cup of coffee during rainy days just to pamper the amniotic tranquility that you feel as you stay indoor during a thunderstorm.

You have always loved to listen to the roaring sound of thunder and watch the immense trail of lightning as you find them intensely beautiful, dramatic and romantic.

You always had those hard times passing standardized exams because you never had a standardized mind.

You have always loved Math, but Math hates you.

You used to sleep in the night with one big book beside your pillow, which pages you randomly flip on to read on a daily basis, Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary.

You used to disappear from most family occasions, gatherings with friends, and from the rest of the world, as you prioritized the figures that should reflect on your Transcript of Records.

You have always believed that there’s a time and place for everything, and it’s called “College.”

You have always earned the taglines weird, nerd, different and freak, because your fields of interest were never the same as of the others.

You never compete instead, you always love to be different.

You never go where the crowd goes, for being in a group usually bores you.

Most of the nights, you lock yourself in your room as you play pretend that you’re in front of a class reporting about the new idea that you just read from a certain online article.

The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat always leave you with awe.

You have always forgotten the details that you just heard from your most recent conversations as you always occupy your thoughts with the details from those conversations that interest you.

You are always seen by the others as “head-in-the-cloud” type of person as your thoughts always wander in mid-day trancé.

You have always paid attention to the hypothetical conversations that keep rolling in your mind.

You have always loved to talk to the character that you created.

You have always wished up on the craters of the Moon instead on stars.

You have always loved to sing in the shower.

You have always loved to eat when no one’s watching.

You have always loved to watch Walt Disney Classic cartoons and Disney Animations.

You easily forgive yet, you hardly forgets.

You have always given everybody the benefit of the doubt.

You have always believed that there is goodness in everybody.

Your heart never hardens as your temper never tries.

You have never grown up.

Stay the same.

I love you just the way you are.


Your present self

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Posted by on February 20, 2017 in Lyrics of Life


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My Emerald in the Sand

My Emerald in the Sand

I took a trip one day,
In a place I least expected;
When there’s just nothing else to say —
As time felt like reverted.

The roads sizzled in Summer,
And, the air just burned my skin;
The days were long, the nights were longer —
As tomorrow was unforeseen.

Then I saw you there sitting alone,
Surprised by this everlasting turmoil;
Your luscious green, your vivid tone —
My emerald, you just simply pleased this Arabian soil.

You might have wondered,
For what brought you here;
For there’s just nothing you’ve discovered —
But the sand, the air, and the sky so clear.

Yet, this arid soil was amazed as you came,
Together with the doves on the dates;
For every day for them was lame and the same —
At least, finding something new compensates.

My sluggish soul was pleased as well,
As I completely stopped and stare;
You are the first I saw in my life, I would tell —
For you are the rarest among all colors fair.

Among all colors, you are seriously rare,
For you turn more vibrant in happiness, anger and excitement;
As the rich color of green that you bear —
Captures attention and unexpected denouement.

Yet you visually play with colors, too,
In a room in the night when the lights are dim;
You play this trick from green to blue —
Like the sky, that’s just how you seem.

But, somewhat lately, I just have to say,
The color I adore, no longer comes my way;
For your luscious green just turned dull gray —
By sadness and irritations that lined up your array.

You don’t deserve this!
Just none of it all,
For no harm you could ever make;
To put out your brightness
As you’re taken control —
Over, that was a big mistake.

You suffered in pain,
You suffered in tears,
This was not what you came for;
The green turned gray,
My precious emerald —
What more are you looking for?

This place may not be for you,
As for you may not be for this place;
For your luscious green in Springtime due —
Are being buried just to disgrace.

This price is high!
It’s not for you,
Yet, they ought to get you in a show;
If be like this, everyday you’ll cry —
Then I would rather let you go.

If I could just somehow share your pain,
I, for sure, have now made my way;
For I missed you, my emerald —
I simply miss you everyday.

Well, I guess, that’s it!
That is all it,
Not everything comes for free;
I shouldn’t wonder,
My emerald in the sand —
One day, I will no longer get to see.

I took a trip one day,
In a place I least expected;
When there’s just nothing else to say
But, “Hi!” —
Then precious emerald turned to me,
And, a beautiful friendship started.


Posted by on February 1, 2017 in Lyrics of Life


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Hanging Up: When Friendship Hurts

Hanging Up: When Friendship Hurts

I was so aware of my slippers making steps as I tried to gambol down the staircase.  The house looked alive as the lights were switched on, but this undeniable feeling that it’s now dead was all over the atmosphere; like a curse was all casted upon it.

As soon as I opened the front door, the cold night breeze welcomed me, which made me wrap my arms around my shoulders.  I squinted while raising my head up the sky for the cold breeze was hurting my eyes.  The wind wasn’t blowing that strongly though, but its coldness was drying my eyes, causing pain, making them feel tired.  I kept making slow full steps away from the door as I kept glancing around, looking around, watching the leaves from a nearby tree smoothly sway with the breeze.  Its lusciousness kept the night renewed.

Despite the coldness of the night, I still kept walking away from the door, heading towards the gate.  As I reached the forever open gate, I made a long sigh to drop all the worries off.  The breeze was starting to go even colder as the night was about to go off, to give way to sunrise.  It’s early dawn and though I had just rested for few hours, I still felt like I never had.

How strange was this feeling that everyone in the house was already asleep yet, here I was, standing outside, withdrawing all my emotions off, keeping my heart cold to numb the pain.  I thought it was okay, but why did I feel differently all in a sudden?  Why did I suddenly drown when I thought that I finally had a grip?

The steady blow of this early morning air was cool enough to hurt my cheeks.  I was now getting conscious of my eyelids making folds everytime I blink.  My eyes were still growing dim and tired yet, my brains made them awake.  I wanted to take them back to bed and shut them forever yet, there’s something in me asking me to stay a little longer.

An unsolicited feeling of loneliness slowly invaded my heart like that of a nullity of shock as my emotions slowly deformed me in this relentless, formless melancholy.  It’s pinching my heart, crumpling it into a hundred folds. I was now starting to get numb about my very existence being out here as early as dawn, earlier than sunrise.  Then a sudden thought entered my mind.  So soft like that of a whisper of a friend who happened to be YOU, asking me to come home.  The more I noticed it, the more it turned louder like music played with cymbals and drums.  Or, maybe I was just not hearing it, afterall.  Probably!  Yet, probably, it’s your silence and your casual vacancies that I’ve been hearing all along, deafening my ears, getting even louder as the days had gone by.

Helpless about this situation, I just simply blinked my eyes as I raised them to the sky.  The waning Moon was still abroad so I still had to say, Hi!  It’s always been my late night companion.  It’s always there to listen.  What’s strange was that, it just felt exactly the same!  Circumstances differed but the pain felt exactly the same.  This pain when your friendship is having a hard time surviving its own crisis.  Time never heals everything.  That’s what I believe in; unless you go along with it.  Yet, this time, I don’t know if I still want to go along with.  I thought all was okay.  I just thought so.  I think it’s okay if I want to draw lines.  I think it’s okay to drive off the crowd.  I think it’s okay to cherish this pain for now because honestly, they still hurt.  I want silence.  I want peace.  I think it’s okay to show that I’m still not okay.

I have gotten to the point when I’m torn into half.  I have gotten to the point where all these little pebbles, which I endlessly crunch in my hands, now slowly dusting off like dead leaves dramatically falling on the ground as Summer gave way to Fall.

I still keep hearing your sweet voice calling my name from behind as a light clattering of plates interfered coming from a distant dining window.  It kept on pinching my heart as I inhaled this desperating air rising up in the night.  All my wishful thinking drowned me in the river of my own tears.  The pain had gotten heavier as I stayed here even longer.  The air had gotten warmer as I stepped on this broken bridge.  I was now moving away further from the deck where I could glance on the dining window.  I now heard nothing but the monotonous awkward sound of an empty night.

As I kept waiting right here in the dark, a sudden loud thunder broke out as heavy rain poured down on me, washing all my troubles yet, my hands were still burning like Winter fire.  They’re starting to age as my eyes were now turning pale.

Then I got destructed by the warmth I suddenly felt on my face, and thought that I needed to touch it, in which I did, then found myself surprised about how wet my face was.  I was crying.  I didn’t know I was already crying, and that just pulled me right off from my momentary trancé.  I took a long sigh after finding myself back on my spot, right here, right now, standing by the open gate; and, that it’s cold because it’s Winter instead of Fall, and that the rain was just impossible to break out.

There was this heavy feeling that’s trying to surface from within; trying to push itself up to burst.  I’ve been fighting it until I can no longer hold it back, so then I just closed my eyes and simply let these warm big tears stream down my face.  The feeling was so relieving.  The feeling was so unnerving.  I thought I needed to cry, so then I did.  Feeding one’s loneliness could sometimes be the best feeling in the world.

So, I think it’s okay.  I think it’s okay not to be okay sometimes.  For now, I just want to stay this way.

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Posted by on January 11, 2017 in The Avenue


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When You Befriend A Writer

When You Befriend A Writer


When you befriend me, you would know it.

I am forgetful, but I remember everything.

I may forget names, but I will remember who is from whom.

I may forget the color of the shirt you wore last night, but I will remember how you carried yourself in it with all your gestures and facial expression.

I may forget appointments, birthdays and some occasions, but I will remember you and everything you are.

I may forget what you just told me, but I will remember everything you said in the past, like ever!

I may forget the type of coffee that you like, but I will remember how you always enjoy it.

I may not be able to describe you right away, but I could write a novel about you.

I may forget to throw my trash, water the plants, remove my laundry from the machine, and even my hardboiled egg from the stove, but I will remember the time for everything.

I may forget how to joke, but I can always make you laugh with the awkwardness of my actions at times I forget something.

And, at times you notice me spacing out while listening to you; I am just thinking on how to add your character in my story.

There are times I read you like a book, just to know which chapter of your life built your present, and for why you are just the way you are.

I usually think on how the end would possibly end before I think on how to begin it.

Then I jump directly on the third chapter so I could start writing the first.

I usually take a good look at the bigger picture before digging into the details.

At times you see me leisurely walking, wandering, and lilting around like searching for something, that’s when I’m observing anything that comes my way, how it looks like, the coarseness of its grand, its intricate details, and how it sways with the wind.

At times you see me staring out of the window, that’s when I’m working on my story treatment.

At times I balter around, that’s when I’m excited about my new twist in the storyline.

At times you see me thinking out loud, bubbling alone; I am actually not talking to myself. I talk to the character I have created.

At times I bombard the Internet with morbid thoughts and photos, please, don’t be alarmed. I just have so much in mind, and I don’t have any other outlet to let them out; but, nothing personal.

At times it rains; my soul gets its therapeutic claim.

I am alone, but I’m not lonely.

I am an introvert, but I go to parties. It’s just that, I party like an introvert, which means, I never do. Understand? Don’t.

Others may find me weird and misfit, but they just don’t understand that I’m not meant for everyone to be understood; so they question.

I have a very few friends, but I have the real ones.

I am selective, but once I welcome you in my life, I will become an open book for you forever.

I may not remember you from time to time, but I will always be thoughtful for you.

And, at times one person pisses me off, I will keep my peace. Yes, I can do that as I start to imagine the brutal death of that someone in my story.

When you befriend me, you would know it.


Posted by on December 22, 2016 in Lyrics of Life


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