I heard the monotonous emergency signal ticking as the car kept blowing it’s horn. I felt the reverberating engine as it oftenly had sudden detour motions. I saw the night lights fading from the nearby untinted glassed window. I felt the warmth of my mother’s hands as on her lap I laid on the backseat of this cab as she and my niece rushed me to the hospital while I was slipping away into this relentless bowl of pain.
I never saw it coming. I got so caught in this very moment. I never thought I would be visiting the emergency room this soon when I just did last month. The pain was unbearable. It’s killing me from the inside, crampling my stomach, crashing my heart, tormenting me as I kept chasing my breath for every second of time. It made me feel like dying when I actually wasn’t. It made me experience a sudden dilation in time. It made the whole world suddenly stop by and watch me. It made me feel like I was hearing the last words on the planet. It made me feel so humane while in pain as my blood pressure dropped low. It was the worst pain I could ever imagine.
This Holy Week, it’s time to give my soul a break. It’s time to give it back to Jesus Christ, the Roman Catholic Saviour, the lamb of God, who died on the cross to give way to reconcillation between God and the humankind, opened the gates to Salvation, and redeemed the whole world. You are the Lord of all Lords and the King of all Kings. Whatever life awaits me, I’m most willing to spend it with You. There’s just this prayer, one little prayer of mine, only if not selfish enough to ask, I dearly wish be granted.
I wanna live! I wanna live more. I wanna live as long as I could. I wanna live the longest time possible. My mother needs me. My family needs me. I wanna live for them. If I have to keep visiting the hospital as often as I should, I’m most willing to. If I have to keep taking medications for the rest of my life, I surely would. If I have to give up a portion of my life, a few dreams, and a few individuals I keep longing for, I certainly would. Why would it have to take one great epiphany for me to realize it? Why would it have to take one turning point for me to appreciate the people I have who are most willing to love me? I never settle for anything less yet, it doesn’t mean that I have to keep longing for something I should no longer long for in the first place. Why do I keep waking up everyday starting the search for this one thing when I actually got a lot of it in my yard to begin with? After long battles between my little heart and my unquiet mind, I just simply find life so awesome afterall. It gives me this strength to give it one more fight when I’m at the edge of this falling cliff and it’s gonna give my life a fair shot the next time this war reccurs in my battlefield.
I always observe the beauty of mornings everyday because I am so in love with life. I am so in love with its forever connotation that today is always another day! I am so in love with the atmosphere it surrounds me and the emotions it settle in my heart saying that the night is finally over and that a new day has just begun, even if this new day will just once again pass as I sleep the whole day through. It just simply means the whole world to me. It’s familiarity sits well in this little potion of my heart and owns it forever. It makes me feel so alive. It keeps my heart young, my dreams grounded, and my mind believing. It just simply gives sense to all this madness.
It’s like the sunrise that’s forever promising. It’s like the ray of light that peeps through my morning window. It’s like the silver clouds that keep my afternoon warm. It’s like the light from a nearby post that adds luminosity into the night. It’s like the damp sideroad I walk nightly after the rain.
I am just so in love with life when I keep giving myself unrequitted chances to live one more day at times my mind forever feels like giving up.
Posted by Movingnotion via Android