2013 stands by its number. It’s shouting all over the year. It’s counting all year round. It’s ticking time as it’s writing each page. It’s marking up smiles and tears, laughs and screams, love and hate, accomplishments and failure, honesty and betrayal. In 2013, everyday is a new day. Everyday is a fight. Everyday is another story. Everyday is enough for so much happens in every day of this year.
During the first trimester, I kept whining about my everyday for I used to say that 2013 and I were never compatible for we’ve never agreed on something right. It was like everything was just falling out of place. It was like everything I was holding on was just breaking off my hands crashing into million pieces. The very first day of this year handed me off with flu wrapped in fancy paper that ended up as Influenza making me sickly and weak for almost two weeks. Then the next month tormented me with extreme manic-depressive moodswings that well settled right at the center of my heart. Worse was that, I entertained them that made them last until May. Regarding June, June was layback. June was peaceful and healing. June was a shower of blessings all up until my birth month. It’s just that, my birthdate has always been so depressive for it forever reminds me of my beautiful other half who peacefully rests in my heart. Then came August. August was another downfall while September was another high-rise and it continuously sways me up and down through peaks and valleys all throughout these remaining ber-months. One foot of mine quickly steps right up the pedestal while the other gets a hard time pulling itself off 6-feet under.
2013 has never been a year for me for it’s constantly consuming my emotions feeding upon my inner ground leaving me all restless and empty-handed. It had me go on extra miles to test my faith and my whole being. It had me through extreme depression which I never thought I would survive. It had me through losing all I got left. It had me through all false accusations, betrayal and abandonment of friends. Nice friends they were and nice friends they all remain yet for real, I can simply count with my fingers.
Days are still to pass and nights are still to count yet, for whatever it takes, I’m crossing my fingers for despite it all, part of me is still thankful that 2013 passed for it made me realize who I really am and what I’m really capable of. It made me realize all that I deserve to keep and all that I should have released so long ago. It made me understand all my undying emotions better and how to handle them as they randomly surface from within leaving me helplessly scattered all over the floor. I still get those days and I’m not here to deny that yet, I can handle them better now. Afterall, I’m still alive! I somehow survived and because of that, I guess, I must be doing something right.
Next year will be another year for me yet, I’m not sure if I should excite myself. Yes, I’m getting over my incompatible year and I’m about to leave all unhealthy load this year. Yet, 2014 is another stranger. I would never know what it has for me until it comes around. Yet, come what may, I’ll work on it. I’ll perserveringly work on it. Though 2013 and I are not really getting along with each other well, I’m still gonna end this year right. I’m leaving all my lumps behind. I’m leaving all my unnecessary load. I’m leaving all everything I call nice yet, contributes nothing but never-ending betrayal and abandonment. I’m giving my little heart a break. I’m giving myself respect by walking away from piles of rusty gold. I’ve already gone through months of total bewilderness and I finally found myself. I missed myself lately and I missed a lot this year. I guess it’s just about time to let everything go for it’s better off my way than to be surrounded with fancy little stuff that doesn’t really wanna be there making me feel even more deserted.
2013 has been an everyday knock on the door — you never know what to expect!