GOING HOME EARLY was never my route lately. I don’t know how to write it to elaborate more but despite the stress that exhaust me from the day, part of me longs to stay at the park which I can hardly refuse. There’s just something in that park that my heart experiences in the night that I can never feel at daylight. Though it’s humid and that the night is not getting younger and that I just have to rush home for the volume of traffic is already heavy, once I get to the park, I feel like time just stops and that the world drops by at me. Here is where my mind drifts and depression goes away. I guess my heart just longs for this placidity that I can hardly experience else where. Here is where I usually do the owling method, where I just sit, silenced, do nothing but just let my mind drift. Here is where I can let go of all worries. Here is where I befriend the whole world. Here is where I can think clearly and restore my inner peace for outside, I drown! A lot of emotions surface from within like the usual which even now, I still don’t know where they come from. I drown by my emotions. I drown by my yesterdays. Here is where I can dream and be another individual. Only here, right here, right on the same spot I keep coming back every night. Passers-by are all the same. Like the usual in this place. They all do the same routine every night, to hurry for life while I stop and let everything go.
“Are you a local here?”
That feminine voice destructed my silence. My mind stopped from drifting and I got back down to my senses. Then I turned to where I heard the voice and I saw a Caucasian sitting on my bench smiling at me. The first I noticed was her smile for it was sincere then her eyes which I wasn’t actually sure if she’s really looking at me for they’re deeply set hiding from her lashes just right behind her brow bones. Seconds already passed yet she’s still smiling waiting for my reply. Then I noticed that it was just us on the bench. Since I was already looking at her, I had to answer.
“I’m a regular here.” That answer made me think so I made a follow up, “Yes, I’m a local here.”
Then she looked straight ahead, still smiling as she sighed. “Such a beautiful city, isn’t it?”
My eyebrows crossed as I wonderingly turned my eyes to where she’s looking at while still facing her as I replied, “You think so, too.” I knew that time I faked.
“If I could just stay here forever, I would!”
I thought I just heard myself when she said that for a lot of times, I really in deed said that. Then I looked around. “In deed, a lovely place.” I was sighing as I said that at my lowest tone of voice like I didn’t really mean it but she seemed like she was not able to notice it.
“I mean, look around.” She continued. “Everything here seems so lay-back. The people just walk and they’re not in a hurry. Like they’re just walking on a park.”
THE BACK OF MY HEAD laughed all by itself as the tip of my mouth just raised. “This is a park!” My thought whispered so I looked back at her. She’s still smiling like she’s so amazed yet here I was, so sick of my life, seeing this whole big city as just nothing but an empty chunk. I was now staring at her gravely anticipating what she’ll say next as I noticed that I just dropped my jaw. Then she looked back at me. This time, I just noticed that her eyes were gray and her skin was oily tanned.
“You come here every night.” She just bluntly said.
She definitely noticed my confusion so she rephrased it as she smiled again. “Well, I just see you every night here on the same, ” Then she glanced on where we’re sitting as I continued for her.
Yes, and you keep writing. Haven’t you noticed me here as well?”
There I lost an answer. I opened my mouth because I have to reply but I just can’t make up any word to say. My eyes glanced around like it was so obvious that I was thinking. I can fake again and say, “Yes, I do notice you a lot,” but I just can’t say it for I really never noticed her at all.
“That’s okay!” She abruptly answered as she slightly laughed. “You’re busy at all time.”
“I’m sorry!” I was so embarrassed and I felt a very disconcerting air just wrapped me all in a sudden. Yes, she’s right. I was always busy collecting my emotions every night not noticing that this place was really in deed beautiful that’s why I always come here.
“My name is July!” I just hurriedly dropped my name for I didn’t know how to drive the conversation anymore and I just needed to cut it out to drive the awkward air that contemporarily settled.
“Rachel.” She replied as she asked for a hand shake. “Very nice name, unique!” She said then all in a sudden she hurriedly stood up like she just startled. “Ooops! Gotta go. So I’ll see you tomorrow night then, huh?”
Then I smiled as I replied, “Sure!”
She smiled at me one last time, then left. I watched her as she walked away.
“Another random person.” I thought.
THIS ALL HAPPENED last Thursday night and I just recalled it. I haven’t gone to the park last night for it surely rained the whole day. While writing for this, I’m now trying to see the world on her perspective. I even start to ask myself. What am I doing here again? What am I here for? Why can’t I just see it? I keep moving from one point to another yet I’m still on the same spot trapped with the same old emotions. I keep trying to move on every night yet I keep going back to my yesterdays. I keep meeting random people there at the park for almost every night and they all got different magical ways of showing me what the whole world is all about but I’m just so blinded with the glaring truth that I’m still right here, right now, right on the same spot depressed and drowning. I wonder how my whole perspective will change in the long run.