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The Chime!

24 Jan

wind_chimes-fullTHIS FEELING WHEN I wake up in the afternoon for my graveyard shift restless like I never slept at all though I did sleep the whole day.  This day when everything seems to come back to invade me leaving me tired and horrified.  This feeling when fears are coming through consuming me which I don’t even know where they come from.  They just surface from within out of nowhere.  I don’t even know what trigger them but more often than not they just arrive without further notice.  Once they’re in me, I can no longer help but get scared of everything I don’t even know what I’m scared of.  It happens most of the time if not everyday.  All in 9 seconds they just come through.  I no longer understand what’s going on.  It’s like even the ground I’m standing on seems like wants to eat me alive.  Same feeling I’ve been feeling since I was a little girl every 5:30 in the afternoon.  It happened right after fire broke out in the neighborhood.  The fear used to happen once in several months and my mother would hold me saying, “It’s okay” after I tell her that I’m scared.  Now it’s getting worse.  It now happens almost everyday and in a day it happens several times and stay longer than usual like about an hour or three.  This was not who I was before.  It’s been decades since the last time I had this horrific feeling.  Though I get those days that scare me but not as worse as this and now, I don’t even know myself anymore.  I keep losing my ground and I don’t even know if there’s still anything else in this world worse than this.  I don’t even know when this will stop from surfacing from within.  I don’t even know which part of me is scared.  I don’t even know what I’m scared of.  I don’t even know what triggered it, when could have it started, or what keeps on triggering it.  It just happens.

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Posted by on January 24, 2013 in The Episodes

 

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